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An Infestation of the Enemy

I will finally weigh in on a highly contested issue among the student body: the squirrels. I hate them. So much. They are everywhere, lurking in the bushes, the garbage cans, they scream from the trees. Those screams haunt my nightmares. And let’s be perfectly frank, squirrels are rodents rife with disease. I have looked the enemy in the eyes. Those beady black eyes with nothing behind them.

This squirrel clearly has no shame. It's like showing up to a buffet with your own bib.

This squirrel clearly has no shame. It’s like showing up to a buffet with your own bib.

Have some respect for yourself! Eat some acorns like a normal squirrel.

Have some respect for yourself! Eat some acorns like a normal squirrel.

This is why I suggest a revision on the “no pets” policy in the dorms to allow cats. Back at home in dear old MI, I have cats who I love, partly because they ward away squirrels. Unfortunately, one of them is too fat to do much of anything other than sleep and cuddle, but that is beside the point. The point is population control.

 

I will never understand others’ infatuation with those furry rats that call themselves squirrels. I just try to enjoy watching the occasional bunny hop around and not try to eat trash.